Phoenix is darling
a pleasure holding him
Everyday he teaches us
new lessons
we are all learning together
Thankful I have
time and energy
to be w/ Phoenix and his family
Amazing how much room
is in your heart
when you open it up
It’s all about love
patience and paying attention
to the smallest detail
the tiniest voices
Bringing home my life work
Geba
A Phoenix Heart
For Geba Allegra & Phoenix….. Elsa Marley
What is Black Bear to you
Black Bear is sacred to me
Birth place
Heart place
where I go most often in my dreams
Black Bear is in me down deep
I bleed Black Bear each month
I wear scars of Black Bear
on my fingers my toes my chin
I am Black Bear
though I no longer liver there in body
in spirit I am always there
Black Bear is so familiar
yet I can go there and discover
things I’ve never known
Black Bear is my home
among many homes
We are a family spread across the earth
connected by a place deep in the mountains
a place deep in our hearts
called Black Bear
I was born with the sound of water
I was born
with the sound of water
flowing down stream.
I remember the feeling
of my fathers strong hands
on my head and shoulders.
I flew into his hands
arms and legs outstretched.
I remember the look
on my mother’s face
the first time she looked at me
cheeks flushed pink
glistening green eyes
full of warmth
and love and wonder
welcoming me into this world.
I’ve heard the story
so many times
that I can see the faces
of the people who were
gathered around
our summer bed platform
when I was born
between two creeks.
Bob and Jan were in the creek.
Karuna and Silas
were at my mother’s feet
looking on intently.
My waters broke on them.
I know Fran an Judy and Sarah
were there.
Miles was the youngest attendee,
he came into this world
four days before me.
Imil was only a few months old
he was in his mother Ginny’s arms,
his brother kai was probably
at the foot of the bed with my sister.
Andy was the shy man
who had just walked up the trail
to Black Bear the day I was born.
He felt awkward watching me
spring forth spring forth from
my mother’s womb.
The amazing thing is that
there were so many people there
watching me be born
yet I still know all of them,
we are a family
brought together by a place
in a steep canyon
deep in the mountains
called Black Bear.
We are a family
connected
by a love for that place
and each other.
We are together
even on opposite sides of the globe.
Together in spirit.
Together in song.
Together in a shared memory
of a place that made us all
the people we are today.
I was born in the soft years
of Black Bear.
There were still tears and fear
but there was an understanding.
A group of people
together in the mountains
who had learned how to live
in that steep canyon,
had learned the secrets of the soil,
the sun, the moon, the trees and the goats.
Learned the lessons
of having many lovers
or just one.
They had a focus
whether it was spoken or not.
That was to raise their children together
in a way far from which
they had been raised.
From that intention and all of the sun
and the water, garden greens
and goats milk
we blossomed.
Now we who were children
of the earth together
are giving birth
to children of our own.
In our own separate homes.
We have the family,
the love and the strength
that Black Bear gave us so freely.
But we are alone in our houses.
I feel a sadness
knowing that if I have children
I will most likely
not be living in community
as I had dreamed of when I was
younger.
Although we carry
many of the lessons into our lives
It is hard to raise children without
a tribe.
We do have tribe of sorts
but not in the way I had it
growing up at Black Bear
with many parents
and sisters and brothers
living together,
softening the burden
of raising children.
Weaving a web of life together.
I was born after the storm
I was born after the storm
on a warm day
in late June
outside
at a place where
two creeks come together
I was born after the storm
there was still
fucking and fighting
most important
though
there was love
I was born after the storm
after the experiments
by the time I was born
they had learned
how to live together
they had learned
how to grow a garden
and make cheese
I was born after the storm
no cults tried to
take me away
the focus was
on raising children
with intention
when I was born
I was blessed
for other children
who came before me
at this place called Black Bear
everything was not good
for me it was
my child hood was very good
there are not many scars
I was blessed by a mother
and a father
who loved me
I was blessed by a mother
and a father
who asked for me
to come into this world
the did not find me
pushing my way up
the front steps on day
and say
where did you come from
My oldest love
Always not wanting
to leave
Black Bear
how could I
forsake her
my oldest love
with all this green
and the sound
of water
flowing downstream
the ridges
a silhouette
burned in my shut eyes
how can I go
from this place
of my birth
leaving never easy
when others
are here
my family
a scattered group
stay together
for moments
and days
here and there
always not wanting
to leave
each other
this place
Black Bear
my oldest love