Geba

 
A Phoenix Heart

For Geba Allegra & Phoenix….. Elsa Marley

What is Black Bear to you

Black Bear is sacred to me
Birth place
Heart place
where I go most often in my dreams

Black Bear is in me down deep
I bleed Black Bear each month
I wear scars of Black Bear
on my fingers my toes my chin
I am Black Bear
though I no longer liver there in body
in spirit I am always there

Black Bear is so familiar
yet I can go there and discover
things I’ve never known
Black Bear is my home
among many homes

We are a family spread across the earth
connected by a place deep in the mountains
a place deep in our hearts
called Black Bear

I was born with the sound of water

I was born
with the sound of water
flowing down stream.
I remember the feeling
of my fathers strong hands
on my head and shoulders.
I flew into his hands
arms and legs outstretched.
I remember the look
on my mother’s face
the first time she looked at me
cheeks flushed pink
glistening green eyes
full of warmth
and love and wonder
welcoming me into this world.
I’ve heard the story
so many times
that I can see the faces
of the people who were
gathered around
our summer bed platform
when I was born
between two creeks.
Bob and Jan were in the creek.
Karuna and Silas
were at my mother’s feet
looking on intently.
My waters broke on them.
I know Fran an Judy and Sarah
were there.
Miles was the youngest attendee,
he came into this world
four days before me.
Imil was only a few months old
he was in his mother Ginny’s arms,
his brother kai was probably
at the foot of the bed with my sister.
Andy was the shy man
who had just walked up the trail
to Black Bear the day I was born.
He felt awkward watching me
spring forth spring forth from
my mother’s womb.
The amazing thing is that
there were so many people there
watching me be born
yet I still know all of them,
we are a family
brought together by a place
in a steep canyon
deep in the mountains
called Black Bear.
We are a family
connected
by a love for that place
and each other.
We are together
even on opposite sides of the globe.
Together in spirit.
Together in song.
Together in a shared memory
of a place that made us all
the people we are today.
I was born in the soft years
of Black Bear.
There were still tears and fear
but there was an understanding.
A group of people
together in the mountains
who had learned how to live
in that steep canyon,
had learned the secrets of the soil,
the sun, the moon, the trees and the goats.
Learned the lessons
of having many lovers
or just one.
They had a focus
whether it was spoken or not.
That was to raise their children together
in a way far from which
they had been raised.
From that intention and all of the sun
and the water, garden greens
and goats milk
we blossomed.
Now we who were children
of the earth together
are giving birth
to children of our own.
In our own separate homes.
We have the family,
the love and the strength
that Black Bear gave us so freely.
But we are alone in our houses.
I feel a sadness
knowing that if I have children
I will most likely
not be living in community
as I had dreamed of when I was
younger.
Although we carry
many of the lessons into our lives
It is hard to raise children without
a tribe.
We do have tribe of sorts
but not in the way I had it
growing up at Black Bear
with many parents
and sisters and brothers
living together,
softening the burden
of raising children.
Weaving a web of life together.

I was born after the storm

I was born after the storm

on a warm day

in late June

outside

at a place where

two creeks come together

I was born after the storm

there was still

fucking and fighting

most important

though

there was love

I was born after the storm

after the experiments

by the time I was born

they had learned

how to live together

they had learned

how to grow a garden

and make cheese

I was born after the storm

no cults tried to

take me away

the focus was

on raising children

with intention

when I was born

I was blessed

for other children

who came before me

at this place called Black Bear

everything was not good

for me it was

my child hood was very good

there are not many scars

I was blessed by a mother

and a father

who loved me

I was blessed by a mother

and a father

who asked for me

to come into this world

the did not find me

pushing my way up

the front steps on day

and say

where did you come from

My oldest love

Always not wanting

to leave

Black Bear

how could I

forsake her

my oldest love

with all this green

and the sound

of water

flowing downstream

the ridges

a silhouette

burned in my shut eyes

how can I go

from this place

of my birth

leaving never easy

when others

are here

my family

a scattered group

stay together

for moments

and days

here and there

always not wanting

to leave

each other

this place

Black Bear

my oldest love